Dont Bother

I wont die of deception
promise you wont ever see my cry
dont feel sorry
dont bother
i'll be fine

This past week has been miserable. and the ending is simply the best way to drop the curtain on the worst play in the world. I think I'm going to be expelled from Bishop Moore. im still comprehending that. I most likely will not be going on Savannah, and that will absolutely kill me even more than suspension. I dont have my best friend anymore. she doesnt wanna be friends. I'm still letting that sink in, too. My mom says she and nick are getting back together; at least i wont be moving.

but this week has been horrible. I'm worried about leaving BM, of course. but for some fuckin reason---im more concerned about Krystal. Because if i get expelled, then i would go to edgewater. And i would need Lucy, Krystal and Jessie to keep me alive or i seriously think i would kill myself. And i cant fathom a life without Krystal. I can hardly remember before we got so close.

But im making an effort. Because shes the one who said that it was over. so i have to stop myself every second of the day from messaging her, commenting her, calling her, or finding some way tot alk to her. I took her off my myspace. blocked her on AIM. took her off my facebook. When she's ready to talk...if she ever can swallow her pride and come to me...then it'll go back to how it was. but i cant do it. i cant have her tell me that our friendship just isnt working out...and then see her everywhere online and in real life. its a rlly depresing thing. so i took her off my updates, as well.

Its going to be difficult because we have guard together. and i will be absolutely miserable, but she'll be same-old krystal...not letting me in. and not letting it bother her.

and im sick of trying to make her see how much she needs me. because a best friend would not do this right now.

Its just like Kelci. When i was at SCS, i got suspended for five days while the school talked about expelling me or letting me back in. While suspended, i didnt get one phone call. not from anyone but Bianca, who barely knew me,but called to see how i was. Imagine, i was getting expelled from SCS and my best friend didnt even call to ask what happened.

Thats exactly what's happened again. Everyone asked, everyone cared, everyone called, except for Krystal. Lucy and Jessie even came over to comfort me. But Krystal didnt do ti because she doesnt care. and i cant be around that. not when i need someone who cares. so if she's rlly done, then i'll let her go. i dont want to, but maybe its best. i just hope she comes back. because i rlly rlyl need her. especially if friday was my last day at Bishop Moore.