Pools of Sorrow
Waves of Joy
Jai Guru De Va
Adjective for September 30th, 2007: Unsatisfactory.
yesterday, i saw Across The Universe. it was amazing. but i knew it would be. not a shockr.
And JessiKem got to spend the night and she told me the secret. haha. she is my little criminal and i love her.
but thats no the point.
She left me the donuts this morning. yummm. those r all gone now. and they were delicious.
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE
LOVE
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED
thats what is waving through my speakers
and its actually putting me into a slighty more decent mood.
LOVE
so i woke up...lat-ish today. and Jessie had already left. i dont rlly remember he leaving, but i think i dreamt that someone kissed my cheek and said "bye bye rie rie" so that prolly wasnt a dream.
i can never fuckin remember shit in the mornings.
but...uhm...where was i? my mood is escalating huzzah!
but...uhm...then i had chores to do. not cool.
Krystal was supposed to come over considering she hasnt come over ot my house and spent time with her precious best friend since the Busch Trip before school started. UNCOOL.
but i called and told her not to because i was fighitng with my mom and i'd gotten myself depressed with overthinking the good things in life.
Mind you, i'm still ready to murder the women who unfortunately brought me into this heinus world, but at least my emotions are improving. and my myspace looks pretty good.
Didn't know i had one of those dija?
well heres the link in case u dont have it, which i cannot imagine how that would happen but whateve
http://www.myspace.com/themariah
yes it's very creative. haha toodles.
Jai Guru De Va
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
though u swear
the definition of a bad day: TODAY
i seem to have a lot of those. i will break it down for you. keep up cause im not in the mood to go slow and try to be wittily creative about any of the shit that has gone down.
Alright. We start early this morning....6:30ish. lucy calls, as usual. i answer, she tells me to wake up cause shell be here in thirty. i say okay then i hang up.
I fall back asleep.
i wake up about five minutes til pick up...and i leave her a message which i cannot remember what the hell it said cause i never remember anything in the mornings; something about dont bother picking me up cause i wanst awake and i didnt want to be.
So i tried to go back to sleep. usually this works since my mom doesnt have a job and doesnt wake up til 9ish therefore doesnt realize im not gone. pretty swell. but she was up...and so was my stepdad. so i got about 30-45 minutes of extra sleep.
i get to school and enter third period tardy [at least it was excused] only to sit down [ready for naptime] and hear our flamboyant teacher start bitching about how nobody seems to care about his subject.
...its religion. what does he expect? it doesnt count towards college unless ur going to a religiously affiliated university...and barely anybody is even considering that shit.
So that was bad. uh...seventh period was okay. eighth period we had mr. Gordon as our substitute and he loves me so i got to go to guidance and sign up for my college visits and my first SAT test that actually counts. Makes me kinda nervous. November 3rd....i take the first test towards my future. fuckall!
then chemistry came. i did not understand a damn word in that class. seriously. not a single word. something about 02 plus S8 equals SO2 and thompson and dalton and mulliken or whatever the names are. fifth period comes...i cannot even remember...oh wait yes i can. we were in the language lab which is...odd for american history to be in the spanish/french/latin comp room but whateve. We're doing a project and my partner slightly annoys me. We're doing Lafeyette. or however the fuck u spell it.
and then sixth period.
obviously i didnt hang out with Krystal.
cause she has band.
which i cannot [still] accept.
and it pisses me the fuckall.
but i went to the lab.
and put myself into a better mood by reading the transcript of Eddie Izzard's dress to kill. haha. it was hilarious...but its why i wasnt blogging.
Then Mrs. Bonanno...my ex-bio teacher whos class i failed and who had a certain...interest in me due to attitude and class performance last year decided to scan ym computer which means that she checked which site i was on.
So she started fucking with me.
"whatcha looking at, mariah?"
"its for my history project?"
"oh rlly?"
"yes. i can show you"
"go one then"
so i show her the joke that Eddie makes about General Lafeyette and George Washington. She isnt impressed.
"Do you think thats a site you should be on?"
"Well its for ym project"
"But do u think its appropriate"
"i guess not"
"dont have an attitude. can i not have a conversation with you without you having attitude?"
"sorry" [im not rlly. i still have an attitude]
"so...this isnt appropriate so..."
"im going to log off right now and not return to it when im at school"
"good"
"yeah. bye"
the funny thing is that i had my phone open next to me and she didnt even notice, but she noticed a harmless yet hilarious comedians transcript site i was on.
come on!
so that went bad.
Then comes math. The other class i cannot stand because i feel so stupid. i dont understand simple things. i need an energy drink...which i had already had about 5.
but i was falling asleep. she kept having to wake me up.
So then add in Law Studies...which involved work therefore i could not sleep.
An hour before practice. i discover that Lucy is mad at me because Joe tells me that "she doesnt like u messing with our relationship"
are u kidding me? if it werent for me...he wouldnt have confronted her and thye would still be unsure of whether they were breaking up or not right now. i fuckin helped. i always fuckin do. i do better with other peoples relationships than mine.
and then it just went downhill. i had a bad practice and i dont feel like typing anymore. i'll so some more blogging later or tomorrow or something. im goin to bed.
i seem to have a lot of those. i will break it down for you. keep up cause im not in the mood to go slow and try to be wittily creative about any of the shit that has gone down.
Alright. We start early this morning....6:30ish. lucy calls, as usual. i answer, she tells me to wake up cause shell be here in thirty. i say okay then i hang up.
I fall back asleep.
i wake up about five minutes til pick up...and i leave her a message which i cannot remember what the hell it said cause i never remember anything in the mornings; something about dont bother picking me up cause i wanst awake and i didnt want to be.
So i tried to go back to sleep. usually this works since my mom doesnt have a job and doesnt wake up til 9ish therefore doesnt realize im not gone. pretty swell. but she was up...and so was my stepdad. so i got about 30-45 minutes of extra sleep.
i get to school and enter third period tardy [at least it was excused] only to sit down [ready for naptime] and hear our flamboyant teacher start bitching about how nobody seems to care about his subject.
...its religion. what does he expect? it doesnt count towards college unless ur going to a religiously affiliated university...and barely anybody is even considering that shit.
So that was bad. uh...seventh period was okay. eighth period we had mr. Gordon as our substitute and he loves me so i got to go to guidance and sign up for my college visits and my first SAT test that actually counts. Makes me kinda nervous. November 3rd....i take the first test towards my future. fuckall!
then chemistry came. i did not understand a damn word in that class. seriously. not a single word. something about 02 plus S8 equals SO2 and thompson and dalton and mulliken or whatever the names are. fifth period comes...i cannot even remember...oh wait yes i can. we were in the language lab which is...odd for american history to be in the spanish/french/latin comp room but whateve. We're doing a project and my partner slightly annoys me. We're doing Lafeyette. or however the fuck u spell it.
and then sixth period.
obviously i didnt hang out with Krystal.
cause she has band.
which i cannot [still] accept.
and it pisses me the fuckall.
but i went to the lab.
and put myself into a better mood by reading the transcript of Eddie Izzard's dress to kill. haha. it was hilarious...but its why i wasnt blogging.
Then Mrs. Bonanno...my ex-bio teacher whos class i failed and who had a certain...interest in me due to attitude and class performance last year decided to scan ym computer which means that she checked which site i was on.
So she started fucking with me.
"whatcha looking at, mariah?"
"its for my history project?"
"oh rlly?"
"yes. i can show you"
"go one then"
so i show her the joke that Eddie makes about General Lafeyette and George Washington. She isnt impressed.
"Do you think thats a site you should be on?"
"Well its for ym project"
"But do u think its appropriate"
"i guess not"
"dont have an attitude. can i not have a conversation with you without you having attitude?"
"sorry" [im not rlly. i still have an attitude]
"so...this isnt appropriate so..."
"im going to log off right now and not return to it when im at school"
"good"
"yeah. bye"
the funny thing is that i had my phone open next to me and she didnt even notice, but she noticed a harmless yet hilarious comedians transcript site i was on.
come on!
so that went bad.
Then comes math. The other class i cannot stand because i feel so stupid. i dont understand simple things. i need an energy drink...which i had already had about 5.
but i was falling asleep. she kept having to wake me up.
So then add in Law Studies...which involved work therefore i could not sleep.
An hour before practice. i discover that Lucy is mad at me because Joe tells me that "she doesnt like u messing with our relationship"
are u kidding me? if it werent for me...he wouldnt have confronted her and thye would still be unsure of whether they were breaking up or not right now. i fuckin helped. i always fuckin do. i do better with other peoples relationships than mine.
and then it just went downhill. i had a bad practice and i dont feel like typing anymore. i'll so some more blogging later or tomorrow or something. im goin to bed.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
amped
i just threw away my energy drink.
i had to...so i could get into the library.
but i wouldnt have had to if i could stay in the band room with krystal and just eat lunch there.
now im pissed. u have no idea....im shaking.
She told me to quit being a bitch about it.
"mariah stop being such a bitch about this"
....are u kidding me? of course i would be pissed...who wouldnt? everyone else seems to get it but her. i hate how shes the only person who never seems to know..even though shes my "best friend" off playin her fricken baritone instead of at least pretending like she gives a s rats ass about me.
The dream couple is getting better. Bu they've sworn not to involve anyone...i think its because Lucy got jealous because Joe would talk to me about how he was feeling and i would convince him to talk to her and then i would convey everything he said to me to her and visaversa. you know what i mean? its just an idea.
And poor Jessie. shes the one im mostly worried about. She's cut off from all of us. Her homeroom is in main, the only class she has with any of us is Chem which she shares with Krystal and Lucy, but not me. I feel like i seriously never see her which doesnt help that shes grounded until Oct 8th. What worse--Lucy has made Jessie second, maybe even third, in her life since she has Joe. Exactly what happened to Jessie is what i dont want to happen to me while Krystal dates the stupid selfish and inconsiderate bob. i cannot stand him worth anything at all. seriously.
Today...Lucy called at 6:40 to wake me up "be there in thirty"
damn. i stayed in bet til 6:55. then jumped in the shower, threw clothes on and made my way outside. and as soon as i got outside....Lucy was pulling up before i could even get it out of my backbag to hit. so maybe thats part of my problem...i feel so shaky because i havent gone without it in the mornings since before my mom left last February. Point is...i was tired as hell.
So i get to school....its not that bad of a start. it becomes funny when i walk in...throw my stuff and then fall and go back to sleep. someone mutters "double-shot expresso" and i shoot up like a catepult. "HECK YES I WANT SOME COFFEE!!" so i survive on coffee until...chemistry.
oh no. the chem re-take. the reason why im so tired. i was up ALL night trying to learn a months worth of material before sunrise. I had Kat and Krystal [trig honors students and smart chem kids] online typing me step by step instructions on figuring all these weird conversions out on the sample test. they helped SO much. but i was up all night perfecting my Scientific notation, significant figures, temperatures, density, and mass, distance, volume, conversion stuff.
CHem class come...im stressing like crazy---and i NEVER stress. it was weird...i pullled a Krystal...where i completely spaz about a test and end up second-guessing myself to a low grade. not good.
However there is a plus side.
He gave us the answer key so we could see what we did right and wrong. i got the majority of them right, but the problem was that i didnt finish the last nine. So i quickly completed them and only got a minues five.
Even better? hes putting the test and the key online and giving us the oppurtunity to show our work and fix our mistakes. then he's going to average the 2 grades together for a test grade.
Theres no way to fail that...THE ANSWERS ARE ON THE DAMN COMPUTER AND THE TEST IS RIGHT INFRONT OF YOU not even I can fail that...and i've never passed a take-home test. sad. pathetic. oh well.
so that chem test is in the bag...thank god.
but then go to history...where my day turns sour. last period...i walk in to class to discover that a group i participated in recieved a D for our group project. i was like WHAT a D??! ar eu kidding me?
the teacher kinds likes me...he thinks im funny and he knows that i know my history like harry potter books. So i go and explain to him. i think i did a pretty good job.
i said "Sir, the requirements for the project were that it had to be original, entertaining, factual, organized, and everyone had to participate. We got four out of 5 because we can deduce that it wasnt that factual, but thats not the point. The point is that 4/5 does not deserve a D because we worked hard on it and it was one of the better presentations. YOU even laughed and enjoyed it. So it deserves at least a C if not a B"
It worked damn well. He took a class vote and reconsidered explaining that it wasnt like he meant to give us a D...he just used a rubric and didnt even think about what he was grading. thats rlly conforting. but...that means that grade isnt that bad.
Then we took our history test.
damn.
i failed.
its the same as if i took a test on the insignificant facts in the sixth HP book.
I know most of them, and i know the general common knowledge, but i cant get u specifics and stuff without brushing up on my info.
So i failed. damn. and my essays? complete bull. I confused The battle of Princeton with the battle of Treton ....which i think is the one with Forst Ticonderoga on xmas eve after corssing the deleware, but i know i was wrong when i said Princeton was the battle where the british won but the americans suffered less severe losses....because that was bunker hill which i realized after is was too late. damn.
Then i got clalled down to the dean's office. not good. got a saturday school for skipping 2 detentions. SHIT. and some dumb teacher freakin lied to Dean Higgans because i know i was nowehre near the cafe yesterday....i wa sin the band room the entire time so wtf.
and now im at sixth where im in the shitty library illegally on a blog site which i still dont know if they're allowed...my best friend is in band probably having a fan-fucing-tastic time and im completely looking forward to the arrival of two boys who i canr stand but at least they are someone to talk to. one of them actually ust walked in. god this sucks. i have been reduced to this?
oh how the mighty have fallen.
but appearently im a bitch for being subjecting to this and hating every fuckin second. this blows.
i had to...so i could get into the library.
but i wouldnt have had to if i could stay in the band room with krystal and just eat lunch there.
now im pissed. u have no idea....im shaking.
She told me to quit being a bitch about it.
"mariah stop being such a bitch about this"
....are u kidding me? of course i would be pissed...who wouldnt? everyone else seems to get it but her. i hate how shes the only person who never seems to know..even though shes my "best friend" off playin her fricken baritone instead of at least pretending like she gives a s rats ass about me.
The dream couple is getting better. Bu they've sworn not to involve anyone...i think its because Lucy got jealous because Joe would talk to me about how he was feeling and i would convince him to talk to her and then i would convey everything he said to me to her and visaversa. you know what i mean? its just an idea.
And poor Jessie. shes the one im mostly worried about. She's cut off from all of us. Her homeroom is in main, the only class she has with any of us is Chem which she shares with Krystal and Lucy, but not me. I feel like i seriously never see her which doesnt help that shes grounded until Oct 8th. What worse--Lucy has made Jessie second, maybe even third, in her life since she has Joe. Exactly what happened to Jessie is what i dont want to happen to me while Krystal dates the stupid selfish and inconsiderate bob. i cannot stand him worth anything at all. seriously.
Today...Lucy called at 6:40 to wake me up "be there in thirty"
damn. i stayed in bet til 6:55. then jumped in the shower, threw clothes on and made my way outside. and as soon as i got outside....Lucy was pulling up before i could even get it out of my backbag to hit. so maybe thats part of my problem...i feel so shaky because i havent gone without it in the mornings since before my mom left last February. Point is...i was tired as hell.
So i get to school....its not that bad of a start. it becomes funny when i walk in...throw my stuff and then fall and go back to sleep. someone mutters "double-shot expresso" and i shoot up like a catepult. "HECK YES I WANT SOME COFFEE!!" so i survive on coffee until...chemistry.
oh no. the chem re-take. the reason why im so tired. i was up ALL night trying to learn a months worth of material before sunrise. I had Kat and Krystal [trig honors students and smart chem kids] online typing me step by step instructions on figuring all these weird conversions out on the sample test. they helped SO much. but i was up all night perfecting my Scientific notation, significant figures, temperatures, density, and mass, distance, volume, conversion stuff.
CHem class come...im stressing like crazy---and i NEVER stress. it was weird...i pullled a Krystal...where i completely spaz about a test and end up second-guessing myself to a low grade. not good.
However there is a plus side.
He gave us the answer key so we could see what we did right and wrong. i got the majority of them right, but the problem was that i didnt finish the last nine. So i quickly completed them and only got a minues five.
Even better? hes putting the test and the key online and giving us the oppurtunity to show our work and fix our mistakes. then he's going to average the 2 grades together for a test grade.
Theres no way to fail that...THE ANSWERS ARE ON THE DAMN COMPUTER AND THE TEST IS RIGHT INFRONT OF YOU not even I can fail that...and i've never passed a take-home test. sad. pathetic. oh well.
so that chem test is in the bag...thank god.
but then go to history...where my day turns sour. last period...i walk in to class to discover that a group i participated in recieved a D for our group project. i was like WHAT a D??! ar eu kidding me?
the teacher kinds likes me...he thinks im funny and he knows that i know my history like harry potter books. So i go and explain to him. i think i did a pretty good job.
i said "Sir, the requirements for the project were that it had to be original, entertaining, factual, organized, and everyone had to participate. We got four out of 5 because we can deduce that it wasnt that factual, but thats not the point. The point is that 4/5 does not deserve a D because we worked hard on it and it was one of the better presentations. YOU even laughed and enjoyed it. So it deserves at least a C if not a B"
It worked damn well. He took a class vote and reconsidered explaining that it wasnt like he meant to give us a D...he just used a rubric and didnt even think about what he was grading. thats rlly conforting. but...that means that grade isnt that bad.
Then we took our history test.
damn.
i failed.
its the same as if i took a test on the insignificant facts in the sixth HP book.
I know most of them, and i know the general common knowledge, but i cant get u specifics and stuff without brushing up on my info.
So i failed. damn. and my essays? complete bull. I confused The battle of Princeton with the battle of Treton ....which i think is the one with Forst Ticonderoga on xmas eve after corssing the deleware, but i know i was wrong when i said Princeton was the battle where the british won but the americans suffered less severe losses....because that was bunker hill which i realized after is was too late. damn.
Then i got clalled down to the dean's office. not good. got a saturday school for skipping 2 detentions. SHIT. and some dumb teacher freakin lied to Dean Higgans because i know i was nowehre near the cafe yesterday....i wa sin the band room the entire time so wtf.
and now im at sixth where im in the shitty library illegally on a blog site which i still dont know if they're allowed...my best friend is in band probably having a fan-fucing-tastic time and im completely looking forward to the arrival of two boys who i canr stand but at least they are someone to talk to. one of them actually ust walked in. god this sucks. i have been reduced to this?
oh how the mighty have fallen.
but appearently im a bitch for being subjecting to this and hating every fuckin second. this blows.
Monday, September 24, 2007
With a little help from my friends...
I get by with a little help from my friends
I get high with a little help from my friends
oh, im gonna try with a little help from my friends.
Do you need anybody?
i need somebody to love
Could it be anybody?
i want somebody to love.
Yes. thats how i feel. I love my friends. Krystal, Lucy, Jessie, Lisa, Mikael, Jacob, Kat, Joe, and Sylvan. Then there are others....like say Kevin, Aidan, Marie, and Elizabeth. People who i dont rlly hang out with outside of school but help me get through shitty school days.
I've noticed a certain....irritation about today.
it was supposed to be a good day.
obviously, as mentioned in my last blog, it wasnt.
It actually rather sucked.
Here is my life: no romantic prospects. I mean, there's Jordan....but he's an asshole who only wants me for sex. thats 1. Then there is Josh who is a cute little crush but shows NO signs of interest whatsoever. that could be 2. There's also someone else in my history class, but thats a not gonna happen. I'll count that as 3. Let's also add in Paul, Nick, Mikael and Jacob. Oh yeah and we cant forget the slight attraction to whats-his-name in my english class. thats....1...2...3....4 5 6 7...8?
wow. that is so whorish. Im not even hooking up with all of them [I WISH]. i've only kissed...4 of them and thats pretty good for someone who has a slighty permiscious view of life.
I'm actually trying to stop that. I would like to try and settle.
which is ironic because Lucy and Joe are having relationship....puntures based on settling. Lucy is kinda boringly tied down and misses getting action from other guys. it sounds bad when i say it like that, but honestly, i can understand her completely. which is really not good.
I mean. there will always be...
Kat and Aidan. [2 yrs]
Rachel and Ryan. [1.5 yrs]
Millie and Anthony.[...almost a year]
Lindsey and Ryan.[1 yr]
Lisa and Sylvan. [...LONG time]
Lucy and Joe.[4 mths]
I'm not even kidding. i seriously view Lucy and Joe as inseperable even though they havent been dating for that long. They've just become a couple so much in my life...its unimaginable. no joke.
im about to fall asleep over my keyboard. so ima go to bed now. niy niy.
I get high with a little help from my friends
oh, im gonna try with a little help from my friends.
Do you need anybody?
i need somebody to love
Could it be anybody?
i want somebody to love.
Yes. thats how i feel. I love my friends. Krystal, Lucy, Jessie, Lisa, Mikael, Jacob, Kat, Joe, and Sylvan. Then there are others....like say Kevin, Aidan, Marie, and Elizabeth. People who i dont rlly hang out with outside of school but help me get through shitty school days.
I've noticed a certain....irritation about today.
it was supposed to be a good day.
obviously, as mentioned in my last blog, it wasnt.
It actually rather sucked.
Here is my life: no romantic prospects. I mean, there's Jordan....but he's an asshole who only wants me for sex. thats 1. Then there is Josh who is a cute little crush but shows NO signs of interest whatsoever. that could be 2. There's also someone else in my history class, but thats a not gonna happen. I'll count that as 3. Let's also add in Paul, Nick, Mikael and Jacob. Oh yeah and we cant forget the slight attraction to whats-his-name in my english class. thats....1...2...3....4 5 6 7...8?
wow. that is so whorish. Im not even hooking up with all of them [I WISH]. i've only kissed...4 of them and thats pretty good for someone who has a slighty permiscious view of life.
I'm actually trying to stop that. I would like to try and settle.
which is ironic because Lucy and Joe are having relationship....puntures based on settling. Lucy is kinda boringly tied down and misses getting action from other guys. it sounds bad when i say it like that, but honestly, i can understand her completely. which is really not good.
I mean. there will always be...
Kat and Aidan. [2 yrs]
Rachel and Ryan. [1.5 yrs]
Millie and Anthony.[...almost a year]
Lindsey and Ryan.[1 yr]
Lisa and Sylvan. [...LONG time]
Lucy and Joe.[4 mths]
I'm not even kidding. i seriously view Lucy and Joe as inseperable even though they havent been dating for that long. They've just become a couple so much in my life...its unimaginable. no joke.
im about to fall asleep over my keyboard. so ima go to bed now. niy niy.
The Highs of The Lows
I wrote about that feeling...the one where you're really down and nothing can 'lift' you up, right?
yeah thats now.
i had a good day. really i did. and i was trying my hardest not to let anything bother me. i think i did a fine job.
up until now. im not sure if im allowed on blog sites on the school computer, or if in a few seconds one of the teachers will call my name, tell me to get off the computer, or simply override and exit it for me. I'm not worried, though, because im nnot doing anything wrong. and i dont remember reading blog sites on the list of things we cant go on.
i have my ID on.
my shirt is (mostly) tucked in.
I dont have any homework due.
I'm not hungry.
and i left my phone in Lucy's car this morning.
SO the term "I have nothing to do" truly applies.
Usually, on sixth period of a typical school day, i would be with my best friend enjoying lunch in the band room.
not anymore. She;s switched out.
Amazing as it is, i cant get out of my chem class and my geometry class, yet she's managed about 3 switches so far. it's completely riddiculous. Something always stops me....when she's able to step forward.
She used to play baritone/trombone in low brass for our band.
This year she switched to colorguard with me, lucy, and lisa [and mariana].
Lisa used to play clarinet in the woodwinds last year
and sometimes, when our coach leaves, Lisa will play some stands music on Catherine's clarinet: completely harmless.
but....Krystal wanted to do that too at the last game...mom wouldnt let her.
So she started crying. it bothered her that she had to choose.
and now she has found a way where she doesnt have to choose.
She'll play baritone for concert season and colorguard for the football season.
Lisa will be doing that too.
Usually, this wouldnt have mattered to me.
I mean if she wants to do something that makes her happy then power to her.
but...there's nobody in my lunch.
and i barely see her, Lucy, Lisa or Jessie as it is.
The only person of my friends who i have a single class with....is Sylvan in math. i dont sit anywhere near him.
So on days like this, where everything just sucks...i rlly want to go home but i cant stand being there when i could possibly not be. that make sense?
but there has been some good news: Lindsey is back.
She's not dead which was a real worry...im not even kidding.
She flipped her car because she couldnt see when a peice of paper blocked her vision.
when i say 'flipped', i mean FLIPPED THE EFF OVER. i've seen the pictures. her carpool is lucky to be alive in my opinion and all she had is a few scratches and bumps.
She's riding home with Krystal today who cannot parallel park to save her life. honestly.
and this is why i avoid the hassels of driving: danger. responsibility. money.
I have work tonight...woo hoo....NOT
yes let's make the announced athiest who got expelled from SCS go coordinate the youth ministry at the same church that kicked her out! good idea!
just keep repeating
yeah thats now.
i had a good day. really i did. and i was trying my hardest not to let anything bother me. i think i did a fine job.
up until now. im not sure if im allowed on blog sites on the school computer, or if in a few seconds one of the teachers will call my name, tell me to get off the computer, or simply override and exit it for me. I'm not worried, though, because im nnot doing anything wrong. and i dont remember reading blog sites on the list of things we cant go on.
i have my ID on.
my shirt is (mostly) tucked in.
I dont have any homework due.
I'm not hungry.
and i left my phone in Lucy's car this morning.
SO the term "I have nothing to do" truly applies.
Usually, on sixth period of a typical school day, i would be with my best friend enjoying lunch in the band room.
not anymore. She;s switched out.
Amazing as it is, i cant get out of my chem class and my geometry class, yet she's managed about 3 switches so far. it's completely riddiculous. Something always stops me....when she's able to step forward.
She used to play baritone/trombone in low brass for our band.
This year she switched to colorguard with me, lucy, and lisa [and mariana].
Lisa used to play clarinet in the woodwinds last year
and sometimes, when our coach leaves, Lisa will play some stands music on Catherine's clarinet: completely harmless.
but....Krystal wanted to do that too at the last game...mom wouldnt let her.
So she started crying. it bothered her that she had to choose.
and now she has found a way where she doesnt have to choose.
She'll play baritone for concert season and colorguard for the football season.
Lisa will be doing that too.
Usually, this wouldnt have mattered to me.
I mean if she wants to do something that makes her happy then power to her.
but...there's nobody in my lunch.
and i barely see her, Lucy, Lisa or Jessie as it is.
The only person of my friends who i have a single class with....is Sylvan in math. i dont sit anywhere near him.
So on days like this, where everything just sucks...i rlly want to go home but i cant stand being there when i could possibly not be. that make sense?
but there has been some good news: Lindsey is back.
She's not dead which was a real worry...im not even kidding.
She flipped her car because she couldnt see when a peice of paper blocked her vision.
when i say 'flipped', i mean FLIPPED THE EFF OVER. i've seen the pictures. her carpool is lucky to be alive in my opinion and all she had is a few scratches and bumps.
She's riding home with Krystal today who cannot parallel park to save her life. honestly.
and this is why i avoid the hassels of driving: danger. responsibility. money.
I have work tonight...woo hoo....NOT
yes let's make the announced athiest who got expelled from SCS go coordinate the youth ministry at the same church that kicked her out! good idea!
just keep repeating
today is going to be a good day today is going to be a good day because no matter what happens it's my attitude that makes it good or bad. today is going to be a good day. today is going to be a good day because i want it to be. because i need it to be.
yeah this is NOT working. damn. twenty 3 minues remaining. this year is going to suck.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Nothing's gonna change my world...
It's the euphoric pleasure of being out of the house,
the immense satisfaction of being invited
the reward of submissing to the whim of the crowd
and loving every fuckin second
From one extreme to the next,
Everything's going to be fine
you go from your lowest
and then you feel like you're tripping balls high
eventually you sink a little
the adrenaline rush dwindles
and the passion blows away
even though that esctatic swelling inside your heart has left
just remembering that it was there
is enough to plant a smile and watch it grow
Nothing can bring you down
but nothing can lift you up
so stay in the middle
and enjoy it while it's there
because as soon as your ready to cherish it...it'll disappear
you'll be depressed immensly or immensly giddy
it's a shame we cant always balance in between
but if we stopped traveling from top to bottom
then we would have nothing to talk about
when we're stumbling in the center
----mfa
I had a good day yesterday. and a good night. and i've had a good morning. planning on a good tomorrow. Life is good.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
every little thing...
- is gonna be alright. singing dont worry. about a thing
cause every litte thing. is gonna be alright.
had my doctors appointment today. went....bad =[ cause he told me not to spin anymore. but i am anyways. oh well. i have a chip fracture and i have tro wear a brace.
we're supposed to get an MRI on monday...but we cant afford one =[
oh fuckin well...i didnt rlly care either way.
THE QUARTTETT HAS BEEN DISSOLVED
but dont worry...this is a good thing. we dissolved the quarttett mutually in its labeled form because...its extra pressure. not only that but after everything that Lisa has done for me...i cant stand making her and our other friends feel bad. now that i know the feeling.
*THE AWARD CEREMONY *
this is where i am going to give out the awards based on friendhsip
here are the categories and finalists.
BEST UNDERSTANDING
Jessie JessiKem MM
BEST AT TALKING AND MAKING THINGS BETTER
Lucy Lulu CG
PHSYCOLOGIST AND "THERE 4 MARIAH" AWARD
Lisa Licer LS
BEST BOYFRIEND AWARD
Joe Jay AC
FUNNIEST & MOST AWKWARD MAKE UP EVER AWARD
Sugarplum Krystal Meth LaBalls
and thats my award show. needless to say, everything is better now. i dont rlly feel like typing..since my hand is in a brace and all plus im hungry and i dont want my mom pissed at me. so ima go
lol. everything is all better now. =D nothing to worry about errr. right? haha toodles
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