It hasnt been such a bad few weeks. really it hasnt.
I got the job. and now i work =/ but i get paid which is a very pleasant thought.
I'm still on Winter guard. we had practice yesterday which was lovely and enjoyable. Tomorrow we have practice again...and im still excited.
I actually had a horrible day yesterday.
You see, I'm sick. Really sick. I didnt tell my friends, but besides the coughing, hacking, sneezing, runny nose, and headache...i've also been getting dizzy. thats why im not at school today. i passed out last night while wlaking up the stairs. and i woke up with my mom freaking out over me as i was lying on the couch. Scenario: not good.
that was my big issue last night. Not only that but i seemed to have forgotten ALL of my homework yesterday so fuck it....i dont rlly care. My math grade [and the majority of my grades] are sooo low...im kinda worried which never happens.
This being sick thing sucks ass.
i also got pissed at krystal last night. grrrrawr. but im kinda over it now.
Here was the problem:
i do everything i can for her...not for some reward but because i genuinly enjoy making her smile and stuff. so i go completely out of my way to make her life easier...i make my mom be quiet so she can take a nap...i clean up half of our insanely messy extra bedroom so she could sleep in peace...i bring her snacks....i have my mom buy food specifically for her....i get her shit out of the bandroom before its locked...i do her religion homework for her....anytime i can i try to do my best and help her out. i have never once asked her to return the gesture because i do it cause i love her.but i tend to expect that when shes in a bad mood--she could be a little sensitive to my feelings and try not to bitch at me or be rude just because she feels horrible. or she could at least apologize and say "sorry, im just pissed right now" and stuff like that. thats all im asking for---some sort of appreciation or respect for everything i do for her. and i cant ever get that and she treats me like shit and takes complete advantage of me. im sick of it.
and now im home sick today and heres the kinda funny part;
i thought she didnt care cause i didnt get the customary text "where r u?" which she always sends when im home from school. But lucy just said that shes home sick, too...and she prolly thinks I dont care because i havent sent here a text asking "whats wrong baby?"
lol so its kinda funny. I guess i'll be texting her even though she had a serious attitude yesterday at the enhd of practice. oh well. update later..maybe
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
If you want it...
...Here it is come and get it/Make your mind up fast.
REASONS TO BE HAPPY
1. i have an amazing boyfriend
2. Winter guard is sooo much fun
3. my friends are still great
4. the next episode of Avatar is the invasion!
5. They've started filming for HP and the HBP already
6. mom's in a better mood
7. officially, we're leaving for chicago
8. it's almost second semester
9. i found one of my fav songs.
10. planning my birthday
REASONS NOT TO BE HAPPY
1. mom was so freakin crazy yesterday
2. laundry
3. my grades.
4. Krystal...somethings wrong i can tell
5. no church= higher tuition
6. job hasnt started yet =(
7. i'm anxious about guard
8. i care too much what other people think
9. i havent upated on portkey but i promised i would
10. i dunno, but i'll think of something.
and thats it for your post today!
REASONS TO BE HAPPY
1. i have an amazing boyfriend
2. Winter guard is sooo much fun
3. my friends are still great
4. the next episode of Avatar is the invasion!
5. They've started filming for HP and the HBP already
6. mom's in a better mood
7. officially, we're leaving for chicago
8. it's almost second semester
9. i found one of my fav songs.
10. planning my birthday
REASONS NOT TO BE HAPPY
1. mom was so freakin crazy yesterday
2. laundry
3. my grades.
4. Krystal...somethings wrong i can tell
5. no church= higher tuition
6. job hasnt started yet =(
7. i'm anxious about guard
8. i care too much what other people think
9. i havent upated on portkey but i promised i would
10. i dunno, but i'll think of something.
and thats it for your post today!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Boho Days
So this is why they call it "the best time of our lives"
Because we are entering the ability to succeed and to make success.
To be successful. what is it, anyways? each of us have our own idea of success and how we picture it. personally, i would be successful if i successfully manage not to go crazy and successfully commit suicide during this stressful time of my life. you see? all i want is success, but doesnt everybody? and if everybody has it...then i probably wont want it anymore.
Two jobs.
BlackWater
CVS
Permit.
I want to learn to play the flute
I want to learn to read music
I am doing Winter Guard International.
I am trying to have a relationship with a boy i really like.
My room is not clean.
my grades are, granted, unsuccessful, but, mind you, im trying!!
I have my Rollins app complete [minus the Fafsa and final transcript]
I yearn for Columbia and swithcing ym schedule.
I still have the most amazing and supportive friends ever. no really, i do.
Krystal is still with Bob. Lucy is still with Joe. Kat is still with Aidan and Lisa is still with Sylvan. These things dont end. when they do, you'll know. the world will collapse from within; and then it'll start back up again and continue aimlessly to make the same mistake. Thats life. That's wizards chess. oops.
An old friend gets caught smoking weed. i get caught smelling like cigarettes. Missy gets pregnant and Mommy gets working on my birthday party.
this is the life, bo bo bo bo bo, this is the life, no no no no no. is this the life?
hysteria? kill me now. im actually having fun, but its kinda bittersweet. because im just gonna be miserable eventually. and then pick it back up and then fall again. thats life?
why is everything so complicated?
i swear im not in a depressed mood. im actually substantially great. seriously. lol. ttyl. i want a bagel!
Because we are entering the ability to succeed and to make success.
To be successful. what is it, anyways? each of us have our own idea of success and how we picture it. personally, i would be successful if i successfully manage not to go crazy and successfully commit suicide during this stressful time of my life. you see? all i want is success, but doesnt everybody? and if everybody has it...then i probably wont want it anymore.
Two jobs.
BlackWater
CVS
Permit.
I want to learn to play the flute
I want to learn to read music
I am doing Winter Guard International.
I am trying to have a relationship with a boy i really like.
My room is not clean.
my grades are, granted, unsuccessful, but, mind you, im trying!!
I have my Rollins app complete [minus the Fafsa and final transcript]
I yearn for Columbia and swithcing ym schedule.
I still have the most amazing and supportive friends ever. no really, i do.
Krystal is still with Bob. Lucy is still with Joe. Kat is still with Aidan and Lisa is still with Sylvan. These things dont end. when they do, you'll know. the world will collapse from within; and then it'll start back up again and continue aimlessly to make the same mistake. Thats life. That's wizards chess. oops.
An old friend gets caught smoking weed. i get caught smelling like cigarettes. Missy gets pregnant and Mommy gets working on my birthday party.
this is the life, bo bo bo bo bo, this is the life, no no no no no. is this the life?
hysteria? kill me now. im actually having fun, but its kinda bittersweet. because im just gonna be miserable eventually. and then pick it back up and then fall again. thats life?
why is everything so complicated?
i swear im not in a depressed mood. im actually substantially great. seriously. lol. ttyl. i want a bagel!
Monday, November 5, 2007
I go Back
Everytime i hear that song...
i go back.
I go back to a pew, preacher, and a choir
singing about god, brimestone and fire
and the smell of sunday chicken after church
i go back to the loss of a real good friend
and the sixteen summer si shared with him
now "only the good die young" stops me in my tracks.
everytime i hear that song...i go back.
to the feel of fifty yard line, a blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine.
i go back.
to watching summer fade to fall
growing up to fast and i do recall
i go back.
to the loss of a real good friend
and the sixteen summers i shared with him.
Recently was the three-year anniversary of my expulsion, right?
and this changed my entire life. it enabled me. it gave oppurtunities which i learned to take advantage of. and its helped turn me into who i am today. So i chalk that up to how i act, how i think, and i how i tend to throw reason out the window.
Which is maybe why so much just doesnt make sense to me. So...i say a few things. I mean, its not my business, but i mean c'mon. If your tired of being teased about it, and you want it, then fuckin go for it. thats what i would do. but shes not me. and i know that. so maybe i pushed to far and she got pissy with me. i can respect that. alright fine. that subject is appearently off-limits again. oh well.
but other things seem to be going well. i have new boyfriend who i really really like. His name is Jacob and he's pretty grand. I've talked about him before. We're kinda an odd couple...but i kinda like that.
i can completely be myself...and be a bitch to him...around him...and everything. He's got flaws, but you know, i can handle that. i like it that there are things about him that annoy me, but he makes up for it with how great he is. and i truly mean that. this is kinda new for me. i dont do the boyfriend thing, but for the first time, im not thinking about other boys or anything. i like that part, too.
I hit a car the other day. that was horrible. i was driving and then i freaked out, considering i had never driven that far and i havent even got my permit yet. So i turned quickly and went to fast, so i bumped into a cherry red pick up truck. honestly, what self-respecting white hillbilly drives a chick colored car....but whatever. Maybe it matches the lipstick he wears when he goes out with his "buddies from work" not my place to judge, man.
but i came home crying. i'm still in trouble for that. So let's add more fuel to the fire.
The reason why im an idiot: i never learn my lesson. in eighth grade, i got in trouble after bringing contraband material to school. So what do i do? i bring it to school again.
Only this time, i actually use it. I took Lindsey out for a drive and we had a cigarette, but we had to be back before detention. So we came back, reeking of nicotine. Honestly, i didnt even notice cause im kinda used to it. my mom smokes, too and the smell is just normal to me.
but anyways, of course we get caught. and we get asked if we were smoking. Realizing that if i denied it and they did a back search my life would be over, i owned up to it. then i went inside and got ride of the stuff before they could do a search which i was successful in thwarting THANK FUCKING GOD. but im looking at a two-day suspension.
and, you know, being grounded for the rest of my life when my mother finds out and decides that i am now three yrs old. I swear to god if i ddint have to tell her this, i would quit right now. which i prolly shoulda done a LONG time ago. but now i get to face more consequences. so long as i dont get expelled, i can handle it.
it was actually kinda humorous. and im hoping it will be when i tell my mom. and talk to the deans. though i expect my mom already knows because appearently mrs barnash and her were on the phone with each other during the game. wow.
also had a different new experience: oppurtunity with a boy that which i did not seize and i feel like the biggest idiot for. What the hell was i thinking? who was the one who stopped it before it got far...but whos the one who encourages the next level? exactly! so i wish i had done that.
and i kinda regret telling the truth to dean wheeler....deniability and all that. and i regret getting on krystals case because i recognize that it wasnt cool. when shes over it, we'll talk but shes been in a crappy mood with me and her friends lately anyways.
oh well.
but i got back into country which is something to smile about. because its like going back to a really simple time. When iw as in sixth/seventh grade and all the girls lived with us...they were rlly into that stuff so by default, i ended up falling in love with Kenny Chesney and goin to see Alan jackson and Toby Keith in concert. Candice even went to see Tim McGraw which i was rlly jealous of back then. but its like traveling back to a more innocent age. pre-bishop moore. pre-lee middle. pre-lots of shit thats gone down.
and i am lookin for a job. i think i go the publix one, but i dont want it if i can work at CVS. i also applied at walgreens but they asked dumb shit math questions which kicked my ass...i forgot my calculator. and why do u need to know amth anwyay when the fucking cash register does it all for you, man?
and i took the SAT. not as scary as it seems. not a big deal. it was actually kinda releiving and i cant wait to get my scores.
now im writing my portkey story again, which is again like going back. and i miss how i used to be, but i love who i am now. is that confusing or what?
until next time, maybe i'll have figured it out. cya.
i go back.
I go back to a pew, preacher, and a choir
singing about god, brimestone and fire
and the smell of sunday chicken after church
i go back to the loss of a real good friend
and the sixteen summer si shared with him
now "only the good die young" stops me in my tracks.
everytime i hear that song...i go back.
to the feel of fifty yard line, a blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine.
i go back.
to watching summer fade to fall
growing up to fast and i do recall
i go back.
to the loss of a real good friend
and the sixteen summers i shared with him.
Recently was the three-year anniversary of my expulsion, right?
and this changed my entire life. it enabled me. it gave oppurtunities which i learned to take advantage of. and its helped turn me into who i am today. So i chalk that up to how i act, how i think, and i how i tend to throw reason out the window.
Which is maybe why so much just doesnt make sense to me. So...i say a few things. I mean, its not my business, but i mean c'mon. If your tired of being teased about it, and you want it, then fuckin go for it. thats what i would do. but shes not me. and i know that. so maybe i pushed to far and she got pissy with me. i can respect that. alright fine. that subject is appearently off-limits again. oh well.
but other things seem to be going well. i have new boyfriend who i really really like. His name is Jacob and he's pretty grand. I've talked about him before. We're kinda an odd couple...but i kinda like that.
i can completely be myself...and be a bitch to him...around him...and everything. He's got flaws, but you know, i can handle that. i like it that there are things about him that annoy me, but he makes up for it with how great he is. and i truly mean that. this is kinda new for me. i dont do the boyfriend thing, but for the first time, im not thinking about other boys or anything. i like that part, too.
I hit a car the other day. that was horrible. i was driving and then i freaked out, considering i had never driven that far and i havent even got my permit yet. So i turned quickly and went to fast, so i bumped into a cherry red pick up truck. honestly, what self-respecting white hillbilly drives a chick colored car....but whatever. Maybe it matches the lipstick he wears when he goes out with his "buddies from work" not my place to judge, man.
but i came home crying. i'm still in trouble for that. So let's add more fuel to the fire.
The reason why im an idiot: i never learn my lesson. in eighth grade, i got in trouble after bringing contraband material to school. So what do i do? i bring it to school again.
Only this time, i actually use it. I took Lindsey out for a drive and we had a cigarette, but we had to be back before detention. So we came back, reeking of nicotine. Honestly, i didnt even notice cause im kinda used to it. my mom smokes, too and the smell is just normal to me.
but anyways, of course we get caught. and we get asked if we were smoking. Realizing that if i denied it and they did a back search my life would be over, i owned up to it. then i went inside and got ride of the stuff before they could do a search which i was successful in thwarting THANK FUCKING GOD. but im looking at a two-day suspension.
and, you know, being grounded for the rest of my life when my mother finds out and decides that i am now three yrs old. I swear to god if i ddint have to tell her this, i would quit right now. which i prolly shoulda done a LONG time ago. but now i get to face more consequences. so long as i dont get expelled, i can handle it.
it was actually kinda humorous. and im hoping it will be when i tell my mom. and talk to the deans. though i expect my mom already knows because appearently mrs barnash and her were on the phone with each other during the game. wow.
also had a different new experience: oppurtunity with a boy that which i did not seize and i feel like the biggest idiot for. What the hell was i thinking? who was the one who stopped it before it got far...but whos the one who encourages the next level? exactly! so i wish i had done that.
and i kinda regret telling the truth to dean wheeler....deniability and all that. and i regret getting on krystals case because i recognize that it wasnt cool. when shes over it, we'll talk but shes been in a crappy mood with me and her friends lately anyways.
oh well.
but i got back into country which is something to smile about. because its like going back to a really simple time. When iw as in sixth/seventh grade and all the girls lived with us...they were rlly into that stuff so by default, i ended up falling in love with Kenny Chesney and goin to see Alan jackson and Toby Keith in concert. Candice even went to see Tim McGraw which i was rlly jealous of back then. but its like traveling back to a more innocent age. pre-bishop moore. pre-lee middle. pre-lots of shit thats gone down.
and i am lookin for a job. i think i go the publix one, but i dont want it if i can work at CVS. i also applied at walgreens but they asked dumb shit math questions which kicked my ass...i forgot my calculator. and why do u need to know amth anwyay when the fucking cash register does it all for you, man?
and i took the SAT. not as scary as it seems. not a big deal. it was actually kinda releiving and i cant wait to get my scores.
now im writing my portkey story again, which is again like going back. and i miss how i used to be, but i love who i am now. is that confusing or what?
until next time, maybe i'll have figured it out. cya.
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