There's a good reason

for absolutely everything. What that reason is---im not entirely sure but i am betting my life that i did something wrong in a past life to deserve such an existence. reading through my past blogs ive seen how many times i wrote "i need her too much. im scared krystals gonna leave me"

well she left me. it been over a month since she stopped talking to me. Uhm...we've had like normal little agreeable conversations two or three times. then i went and ruined it by bringing up the past...er...whoops. lol.

I'm living without her. and its not as bad as it was. Before--when she left me--i called kelly constantly crying, whining, bitching and wondering why she left me, wondering how im supposed to on, and if we could ever be friends again. Kelly was there. i called Jessie too. she usually helped. if i called Lucy...she usually just said "im here for you." and thats it. not that it wasnt nice---but during that hell i needed ppl to tell me that krystal was making the biggest mistake of her life.

So i started at Edgewater not to long ago. because, yes, i got expelled from Bishop Moore. Its actually kinda funny now...cause ive been to all four schools in this area (St. Charles, Lee Middle, Bishop Moore, Edgewater) im hoping to get back to BM next year and the principle is being very understanding and she worked with my mom on a few things. I think she rlly cares about me, which is nice to have a teacher on your side.

Things will probably never get better with Krystal. All i can hope for is civil if i go back to BM next year and go back to colorguard, where she'll be captain. I would hope she could handle it if i could. But she'll never come to me. Thats just not her. and I'm done going to her. Cause im honestly happy now =]

I have a boyfriend. His name is Paul. Hes cute, funny, and he likes me back which is always nice in a relationship. We sorta compliment each other, i think. And theres no pressure to go further and what-not. cause ive totally outgrown that. it'll be awhile before mariah chooses to advance.

I'm doing well in all four of my classes at Edgewater, and my two classes at Independent Educations.

First period: English Honors Mr. Olson
Second Period: Chemistry Mrs. Walker (and Jeremiah!)
Third period: History Honors Mr. James and PAUL
lunch with paul, jacob, justin, and that random rich kid lol
Fourth period: Geometry Mr. Cone. hes an open prick. ive told him that.

Then i go to IE for an hour of Sociology and an hour of Religious Cultures. pretty Easy shit, i must say. and i have like Straight As for the first time in my life. =]

Colorguard season is over. we finished seventh. not to bad, i think. everyone seems to be pissed but come on...its not eighth. or ninth. so im happy about it =D

i got accepted into Columbia College's High School Summer Institute in Chicago where im taking [Fiction Writing],[Pop Culture and Criticism], and [Marketting Goes to the Movies]. An entire month [june 25-august 3] in Chicago without my parents. I have classes four days a week. then i get to do whatever the fuck i want.

im even planning on hitting up warped tour on August 2 at Tinley Park with my cousin, Bailey. Then i come back and August 4th is Bishop moore's second week of band camp if i go back.

err...my worry about that---is that everyone will think im not dedicated cause im showing up late, but i am! this is the oppurtunity of a lifetime! So we'll see. Shit, i might not even be allowed back in band for all i know. which would suck and i wouldnt go back.

uhm...job is good. dads good---kinda pissed but its expected. His kid who he pays a lot for to go to catholic school just got kicked out again. and his daughter is getting married may 31. a wedding in which i must be present. the last day of school is on my birthday. and im nto going because its 5th and 6th exams...i dont have a 5th and 6th period. grooovy.

lots of stuff has happened at home sinc ei got expelled. but thats all lame. everything is pretty sweet usually.

im going to prom with paul =] and i found a nice dress. i just have to buy it. its a size smaller than ususal. so mariah is on a ceaser salad/jump around to music/pushup/jogging diet. lol.

im going to the panic at the disco concert april 25. i just have to buy ym ticket lol. and lindseys, and pauls, and jacobs, and michaels, and possibly jeremiahs. haha

i still hang out with Lindsey Shola. Who has so much going on, its insane. so...thats just life =]

be back soon. dance time!!!!
touchdown turnaround!