good day, good sir

i wilt not bother with the tiresome bore of everyday life of the current degree. i care not to type about homecoming...how horrible it was for me...or how grand it was for certain others.

im not going to expose the long overdriven secret and i surely will never spill my true heart out over the internet. this is my blog for fun and recreation because i love to write.

but the thing is...

i dont anymore. i just dont want to write. i dont get it.

during my insecure days, the eighth grade adolescent "he loves me not so i must be naught"mindset threw me off horribly, but i lasted because as pukingly heinous as this sounds...when i wrote stories with female leads...they were always gorgeous, smart, perfect chicks whom people admired. i'd yet to create a fictional flawed character which i was perfectly okay with.

but now i know im flawed, obviously, however i dont write [technically type] a damn word. like..life has come to consist of school, friends, boys, colorguard, chores, sleep, and plans. There's no more room for alone writing time for the next "great American musical" or the "Novel to rule the world". i dont even have time to watch highschool musical 2.

where has all my time gone? it's not like i do that much...i rlly dont. i hate busybodies...am i becoming one? of course not. if anyone could sustain the pressure of strict organizationa dn obedience to overcontrolling authority...wouldnt it be mariah?

authority. which brings me to woe # 2.

Lucy is guard captain. colorguard is an athletic sport in band where you spin a flag which can be exceedingly difficult at times [you try couting, staung in step, doing the work, and smiling at the same damn time].

excuse...Lucy was guard captain. she gave it up because guard has an authority/attitude problem. I can agree with that. Krystal has a subconscience attitude, Lisa's is openly bitchy, and i cant describe mine but i have one often. Lucy couldnt handle it, which is not a sign of weakness because i dont know too many people who are willing to put aside friendship for guard and step up to regime leader.

Krystal can. and Krystal will if she gets captain next year. Lisa can, but Lisa wont. and she wouldnt make a very good captain, sadly, though i love the girl to death. And of course im biased when it comes to Krystal cause shes my bestets friend, but thats the problem.

How could i have my best friend as my cpatain telling me to pay attention in line and get in attention and stop fooling around when she's the chick i fool around with the most? it would suck. i swear that i will quit before i let dumbass leadership in band get between the rlly great friendship we have.

I am completely and 100% against Leadership.
I believe that it is the wrong message: some students are better than you and have more authority so listen to them and if they're wrong..too bad and its a shame u didnt get the position, eh?

the band is already split by sections that are like sibling rivalries. Woodwinds, brass, low brass, drumline, front ensemble, colorguard [i think thats it] and its also split by years and seniority...freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors...kis who have been in band all 4 years...kids who havent...so lets fuck it up more by creating tension, drama and circulating contempt throughout the internal members of the band. isnt unity important? shouldnt it be as simple as "Richard says so..." and every single person is their own authoriy.

that would work even in a perfect world because people [myself included] are lazy. we dont want to work hard if no one is forcing us. but is leadership necessary? its not like they set an amazing example. everyone just does what they want anyways. and everyone ultimately just does what Barker, mom and the principle want so what does it matter? i'll tell you what...it doesnt matter at all.

if u do your shit and know your shit then fuck it if ur "captain" gave u the authority to talk. half of the time...the captains are the problem. the ectins wouldnt be so rebellious to their superiors if they didnt have superiors other than the true authority which is admin.

so itsa stupid. and pointless, yet the sole of my demise recently.


and then there is woe # 3

my family is driving me crazy. and if i ever get my ass in gear and write something worthwhile...it'll be about this. because thats the way to sell your soul: write a book about the truth and advert as fiction. throw in a magic pumpkin and a fairy godmother and BAM you're good to go. best seller with a heart of stone and nights filled with attempts at erasing the memories which made it all possible.

So im going to name my little girl "Karma" so that when people say "Karma's a bitch" i can be like "yeah i know, thank you sir".