it's about life

So now i have a secret which i fear to announce online considering that ppl i actually know read this sometimes. But...it's pretty big. The only two ppl in the real world who know it are Lucy and jessie.

Now you may ask why my best friend hasnt been informed?

1) it concerns her. she would freak out. no im not even kidding.
2)Jessie and Lucy said it would be bettr if she didnt know and i worked on myself for awhile
3) I'm scared to lose her because its clear to me that for some reason my life would be absolute crap without her....scary thought when you're unhealthily attatched to one person.

But the point it..she doesnt know and she knows that im not telling her.

The other thing:
i bought krystal a dress
because i was convinced that that is what best friends do.
However, she then told me not to buy it the next day for her
[after i already did]
so i told my mom to return it.
[she didnt, but is going to tomorrow]
but i never told Krystal
because i felt like an idiot.

Mariah took it seriously and went and bought a dress. wtf? i just dont like how it sounds.
But she was in one changing room while me n jessiKem were in the other and Krystal was on the phone with her mom talking about the dress and i told jessie how i had bought one for more than the price there was at the store we were at. did that make sense? yes i think so.

anyways, so then she realized that i wasnt telling her something.
and thats what prompted me to re-inform jessie about my secret
which i had already told her about when she spent the night at my house
and we were high as hell with crab rangoon in the sky.
I also told Lucy who laughed and told me she loved me no mattr what.
it was comforting because i know what krystals reaction would be....

it wouldnt be pretty and im scared for that.

damnit my mom is a bitch. i've ee sleeping since i got home at 5:30 and she's been fuckin bothering me every fuckin half hour to either wake up or come downstairs for food. im not fuckin hungry god dammit. so the i ake the comp upstairs so i can blog before i pass out...and she fucking just waltzs right in my room without even fuckin knocking. what a god damn bitch. if it werent for my friends, seriously i would have killed her a long time ago.

gtg. the bitch is bitching. surprise.